Free Write
"My Experience With Family"
"My Experience With Family"
Family, for some people, is the most stable, sure thing they have in their lives. For me, family has never been the most stable and definitely not the most sure. We've all been split apart into our own ways and into our new lives. We are all so different, but so similar at the same time. It's almost not good. That similarity causes us to fight the exact same about the differences. Some fights have brought us closer, while others, were the end of a complete family. It's sad to say, but maybe things really turned out for the better because of it. I've never been able to open up about any of this, mainly because I've been afraid to tell it. This journal though, might be a good place to start.
When I was only in elementary, around grade 6, things got bad with my parents. They finally filed for divorce while I was in grade 7 when things finally got too bad. That was where the division of my family began. My dad and brother lived together in the house, while my mother and I were living with my grandparents. It was almost like the battle of the sexes, until my mother and I faught and I went to my dad's as well. My mom would come to my father's to visit me there and one night, things got completely out-of-control. They faught, and my dad tried to kill himself while I was standing right there. It was one of the most disturbing sights ever, and it's something that will never leave me. At that point, I moved in with my mother again. My brother stayed, hoping that he could try and help my father out.
Finally, my mom got our house back and my father decided to move out with my brother, into a new house. We sold the old house and got a new place with my mom's boyfriend and his younger daughter. It was a new family, but an uncomfortable one for me. His daughter was only 1 at the time, and she seemed to be the new favourite. There was a lot of jealousy I had towards her and my mom's boyfriend. They all seemed to get the love that I used to once get from her. I decided to finally bring it up and was then told to move back with my dad and brother. I did, and highly regret it.
Alcohol and drugs never seemed like something my parents experienced, until I moved back into my dad's and it was all I was around. Case after case of beer, drug after drug.. it was disgusting. My brother knew he had to get out as well, and shortly after I left and stopped talking to my father, my brother moved in with his girlfriend, where he still lives today. I was at my grandmother's now, and felt like I was going to end up without a place to even stay. I then decided, to give my mother's place another chance.
Moving back there, was okay for a while, but then it got bad. I was in high-school now and experimenting with parties and my mom hated it. I was rebelling in hope for attention, but got it in all of the wrong ways. It caused us to fight more and eventually, I was living at my best-friend Ashley's house. I lived there for about six-months. My mom then got me to come home, and I was constantly moving in and out of her house to my grandmother's. Eventually, I gave up on both of the houses, due to my grandmother getting sick and the stress it caused her and the lack of space there for me to stay. I haven't been home since that point. I moved in with my boyfriend at the time, Nick. We lived alone in an apartment, that his mom payed for. It seemed to be the life, but we just didn't seem like the life for each other. We broke up after six months of me living with him. I moved back in with Ashley at that point, and now live with my boyfriend.
I don't talk to my father now, unless it's to get my cheque every month for support. My mother and I text, but have not seen each other in a really long time. I still see my grandmother, and we talk all the time. My brother, I couldn't even recall the last time I saw, or talked to him. Divorce doesn't just seperate the parents, in my case. It seemed to seperate us all into places and situations we never thought we'd be in. Family should always be something you know is there for you, something you cherish and respect. I feel like my family has last a huge sense of what family truly is. A lot of our loss has to do with new families being formed, and the fear of being replaced by it, which I can put a lot of that blame on myself, but at the same time, I needed to be shown the reassurance that that wasn't going to happen. Overall, If I could go back in time, I would change so many of the actions I made. Getting my mom to come over to my dad's to see me, stupid fights, the amount of bags packed.. it's definitely over-whelming. I guess, all-in-all, I'm a more mature person today because of it, I just wish things could have turned out different.
When I was only in elementary, around grade 6, things got bad with my parents. They finally filed for divorce while I was in grade 7 when things finally got too bad. That was where the division of my family began. My dad and brother lived together in the house, while my mother and I were living with my grandparents. It was almost like the battle of the sexes, until my mother and I faught and I went to my dad's as well. My mom would come to my father's to visit me there and one night, things got completely out-of-control. They faught, and my dad tried to kill himself while I was standing right there. It was one of the most disturbing sights ever, and it's something that will never leave me. At that point, I moved in with my mother again. My brother stayed, hoping that he could try and help my father out.
Finally, my mom got our house back and my father decided to move out with my brother, into a new house. We sold the old house and got a new place with my mom's boyfriend and his younger daughter. It was a new family, but an uncomfortable one for me. His daughter was only 1 at the time, and she seemed to be the new favourite. There was a lot of jealousy I had towards her and my mom's boyfriend. They all seemed to get the love that I used to once get from her. I decided to finally bring it up and was then told to move back with my dad and brother. I did, and highly regret it.
Alcohol and drugs never seemed like something my parents experienced, until I moved back into my dad's and it was all I was around. Case after case of beer, drug after drug.. it was disgusting. My brother knew he had to get out as well, and shortly after I left and stopped talking to my father, my brother moved in with his girlfriend, where he still lives today. I was at my grandmother's now, and felt like I was going to end up without a place to even stay. I then decided, to give my mother's place another chance.
Moving back there, was okay for a while, but then it got bad. I was in high-school now and experimenting with parties and my mom hated it. I was rebelling in hope for attention, but got it in all of the wrong ways. It caused us to fight more and eventually, I was living at my best-friend Ashley's house. I lived there for about six-months. My mom then got me to come home, and I was constantly moving in and out of her house to my grandmother's. Eventually, I gave up on both of the houses, due to my grandmother getting sick and the stress it caused her and the lack of space there for me to stay. I haven't been home since that point. I moved in with my boyfriend at the time, Nick. We lived alone in an apartment, that his mom payed for. It seemed to be the life, but we just didn't seem like the life for each other. We broke up after six months of me living with him. I moved back in with Ashley at that point, and now live with my boyfriend.
I don't talk to my father now, unless it's to get my cheque every month for support. My mother and I text, but have not seen each other in a really long time. I still see my grandmother, and we talk all the time. My brother, I couldn't even recall the last time I saw, or talked to him. Divorce doesn't just seperate the parents, in my case. It seemed to seperate us all into places and situations we never thought we'd be in. Family should always be something you know is there for you, something you cherish and respect. I feel like my family has last a huge sense of what family truly is. A lot of our loss has to do with new families being formed, and the fear of being replaced by it, which I can put a lot of that blame on myself, but at the same time, I needed to be shown the reassurance that that wasn't going to happen. Overall, If I could go back in time, I would change so many of the actions I made. Getting my mom to come over to my dad's to see me, stupid fights, the amount of bags packed.. it's definitely over-whelming. I guess, all-in-all, I'm a more mature person today because of it, I just wish things could have turned out different.
Wow, thanks for sharing. I plan to return and go through this carefully when I have the time and energy to give it the attention it deserves.
ReplyDeleteNice to have you working so hard this semester, Chelsea.